


Silence

by CharmmyColour



Category: Solar Opposites
Genre: ADHD, Abusive home, Angst and Feels, Bittersweet Ending, Bullying, Depression, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Intrusive Thoughts, M/M, Nightmares, Overthinking, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Separation Anxiety, Sharing a Bed, Supportive partner, outcast
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 10:07:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24967951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CharmmyColour/pseuds/CharmmyColour
Summary: Terry hated silence. He always did.
Relationships: Korvotron "Korvo"/Terry (Solar Opposites)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 93





	Silence

**Author's Note:**

> So many thanks to Leoh from the Solar Opposites Discord for beta reading my work!
> 
> This is short and not very deep, but it just seemed to be written in my mind for the day so I thought I could spare a couple hours in writing it down. I hope you enjoy it it.

Terry was not a fan of bedtime.

During the day, there were a million things he could do to distract himself. Eat, dance, learn about some human custom, annoy Korvo, watch TV, play video games, do yoga, take pictures of the Pupa, search memes online, go to the mall, buy new shirts, try to make friends, help the replicants with homework, play instruments, sing aloud. And talk, talk, talk, talk, talk.

But once in bed, once everyone was asleep and everything was dark, Terry had no other choice but to listen to his own thoughts, and it was by far the worst moment of the day. Inside his head, with no one to talk to and no one to listen to him, he felt so incredibly lonely. And being alone terrified him.

Terry hated silence. He always did.

Shlorp was loud, although in a very different way than Earth was. There, the chants, the orders and the constant reminders of the place every citizen must occupy filled Terry’s head day and night. It hadn’t been exactly pleasant (the green alien was, after all, terrible at fitting in), but Terry found himself missing it after a while. You didn’t need to think in Shlorp, every decision was already taken for you. Nights were dull and repetitive, but there was also some sense of peace in knowing the path was already written for everyone to follow. Shlorp was loud, and Terry missed it.

Shlorp, however, was also so lonely. In the sense of community and their common goal, it should have been easy for Terry to connect to others, but it wasn’t. It wasn’t because he was, by all means, a bad Shlorpian, a defective citizen, a waste of space that only ever evaded being killed because no one could bother to look at him twice. Who Terry was, inside his head, was not really important, all his life was about hiding himself and praying no one noticed his smile was fake. He should connect to others, but no one wants to deal with such a defective person as himself. Terry couldn’t blame them.

Earth was different. Humans liked to be unique and individual, and it was such a fascinating thing. For the first time in his life, Terry was praised for being himself, not punished, and he was determined to embrace that new opportunity with his life. Earth was colorful, extravagant, and filled with fun things to try he would never have been able to do in Shlorp. It was such a shame the Pupa was going to terraform the planet, because Terry loved Earth.

It had its downfalls, of course. And one was that all that freedom came with a price: the excruciating silence at the question “Who I am?”

Terry was a Pupa Specialist. In Shlorp, that was an easy question.

But on Earth, no answer came to mind.

It would be easier, Terry figured, if he could deactivate his emotions. He felt too much, too strongly, too many. It was the flaw everyone always pointed: Terry was too emotional, too excitable, too much. No one wanted to put with overwhelming, stupid Terry and he couldn’t blame them.

Terry didn’t want to put with himself either.

In the dark room, he was alone. Without the noise he was scared. He would pray and pray to fall asleep faster, but it never worked, he would stare at the ceiling for hours, only with the soft breathing of Korvo sounding near him. And then there were the nightmares. Terry couldn’t really remember them, only the draining feeling they left behind when he woke up sweating and cold, fighting to not scream and alert his partner, who was completely unaware of such night terrors. In Shlorp, missing something was a thought crime and you could be executed for it, and Terry very much knew his nightmares were also a crime. Because even if he couldn’t remember them, he knew what they were about.

The day the mission would be completed and he would be stripped from his family and returned to the life he hated, alone.

Alone.

Terry didn’t want to be alone.

Korvo was snoring, and drooling. He always accused Terry of drooling everywhere (and Terry absolutely did), but he had no idea how much was his doing. Maybe he knew, but it was easier to blame Terry for all of it, to protect his ego. Korvo had a big ego, and a frail one. Everything in Korvo was frail, actually, that’s something Terry noticed. When they first met, he had thought his new blue partner was smart, collected, cool and strong; and all of it was true, but Terry had come to realize Korvo was also hiding. Always stressed, always concerned, always doubting himself. Maybe Korvo didn’t have other Shlorpians telling him how useless he was the same Terry did, but he didn’t need them. Korvo hated everything about himself and always insisted on his own inadequacy, even if it was in secret, and even if he always had to hide behind a wall of cold, angry, proud remarks.

Sometimes Terry heard him cry at night. He figured it was even worse than having bullies. At least he had been able to leave the people that tortured him behind.

Korvo couldn’t.

Terry didn’t want his partner to suffer. The scientist had a lot of flaws, but he was loving, dedicated, responsible and loyal. Terry had come to love him as he had never loved another being, and that scared him, because he wasn’t sure how much time they had left. He wasn’t sure how much time he could keep delaying the Pupa’s development. He tried hard to do exactly the opposite of what was advised on his formation, he tried hard to delay the inevitable, but it will come eventually. And then what? What would be life then, again shoved at the back of a classroom, everyone avoiding him, away from Jesse and Yumyulack, away from Korvo?

So for the time being, Terry tried to do the best for all of them. He tried and tried to make them happy, to make himself happy. Because they may not be together for long, and Terry couldn’t ignore the thought like the rest did. He was always so bad keeping his emotions restrained.

Terry looked at the sleepy face of his partner, and gently closed his mouth. His fingers started wandering without his permission, and soon he was caressing the soft blue cheek in front of him, not really being able to stop as much as his brain screamed that he should. Korvo was beautiful. Only if he could see it… Terry had no qualms letting him know as much, but the problem was, Korvo didn’t believe him. He guessed he couldn’t. If he accepted he was already good at something, he would stop trying to do better, and that terrified Korvo. Terry knew that, he knew his friend was scared of not being enough. He wished he could tell him he was more than enough.

Terry also knew Korvo liked him, and needed him around to keep his own mind quiet as much as himself. It was always nice, making Korvo smile and lose a little, making him realize there was more in the world than following orders and that awfully boring manuals he was always talking about. Okay, Korvo could be a little boring, so what? Terry was annoying, and still, he put with him. They were a great team.

But not for long.

The green alien clenched his fist and closed his eyes tight, trying to get rid of the thought. Why was it always so intrusive? He was scared. There was too much silence, too much silence, too much darkness, nothing to distract him. And in the silence, soon, he would be alone again, and he won’t be able to dance, or sing, or go watch a movie with his family or wear funny shirts, or eat McDonalds or play video games, or get drunk or kiss Korvo again. Not drunk, a proper kiss, an actual kiss. Not that Korvo would accept that, he was a good Shlorpian thinking about the mission, as they all should. Instead, Terry was sabotaging it and, and, and now he realized, he was really close to Korvo lips.

Too close. He could feel his breath on his own.

Terry didn’t want to be alone again.

But an asleep kiss would be as meaningful as a drunk one. No, he was better than this, somehow, he was sure he still had some good inside. So instead, he took a deep breath and whispered.

“Korvo…”

“Hm-hm…?”

“Korvo, I can’t sleep.” the green alien confessed.

“I was until you woke me up, Terry.” Korvo groaned.

“I’m sorry.”

“What the hell do you want?” Despite the choice of words, the scientist's tone was so much softer. It was his peculiar way of asking ‘how can I help?’, Terry had come to realize with time.

“You may think it’s silly, but can you… can you talk to me…?” Terry pleaded. He felt ridiculous.

Korvo blinked slowly, processing it. He tried to come with a snide remark, but really, he was too tired for that. So he offered “About what?”

“About anything.”

“Even the last manual I read?”

“Even that.”

Korvo groaned again, but despite his frown, he sat in bed and rubbed his eyes. Terry cautiously approached him, testing how much he was allowed to do, and was pleased to discover Korvo let him rest his head on his lap, embracing one of his legs. Korvo patted his shoulder, which was not the most fitting gesture at the moment, but Terry knew how bad his partner was at this. Well, only if you couldn’t read him, Korvo was actually really sweet in his own way. Terry guessed he had to be doing something right himself, because the man was sitting in the bed in the middle of the night, willing to talk to him, despite the green alien having offered no explanation of why.

“This is a one-time thing, do you hear me?” Korvo huffed. “And the second you sleep, I’m gonna stop talking.”

“That’s fine. Thanks, buddy.” Terry smiled, and an overwhelming sense of serenity filled him.

Terry hated to be alone.

But for the time being, he was not.


End file.
